Lost in Dell

Me at Dell(UPDATED) 03-31-2007

Its happened.  I've found a job.

It maybe I haven't setteled in yet. New jobs are stressfull. But, I'm going to be honest and say I don't like my new job.

I took the job three weeks ago and I didn't tell anyone I took it for two weeks, because I was not sure I wasn't going to just walk off.  A friend who also worked at Hertz did just that the first day.  I tried to convience him to stay. Getting paid to learn is a good thing and I know, after some time goes by, it will get better.  I tell myself each day, "Maybe this is my dream job. Maybe I'm not giving it a change." I enjoy helping people. I like explaining to people how things work and I like solving a good puzzel. 

For some people its dealing with upset customers. I kind of line them. When you can fix their problem and make them happy they can be very thankfull. Its often the ones that just want you to do the work for them that bother me. 

Its making the grade, literaly, that's bothering me. Everything is measured. Everything is clocked. How well you are doing is not just about fixing computers for people but how fast you can do it and how accurtly you can complete a confusing and changing set of electronic forms. I'm a very out of the box thinker and this seems like a very in the box job. I don't care if everyone uses Microsoft Windows. I use Linux because of it's freedom. I can do anything I need to do when I need to do it without being stopped by a licensing restriction built into the code.  Knowlage should be free! It's my time you need to pay for. I'll tell you anything I know. I don't like being told I can't tell someone something because the "knowlage" belongs to someone else.

I think I'm going to tell my boss I don't want to know my numbers.  If I'm doing something wrong please tell me how to correct. I'll do my best and just let the numbers fall where they may. 

Some days are bad. I came home very depressed. Not because I did bad at work. Its because I'm still unsure this is the right job for me and I'm afraid I'm being forced to take a less paying job because of my age. I don't like that my thirty years of computer experence and knowledge can't be used. I'm afraid this is the start of a down hill slope and at the end I'm useless.

I had a dream I left my parents house. There was another person with me. I ask them for a ride and they told me "No, you will have to get there on your own".  I felt abandoned.


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